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Greetings brother James. My only intentions, is to present an angle different then yours. No disrespect or discomfort intended. Brother James you talk about the American woman not being how she should be etc. etc. and how these women only want to come up financially. First of all James, we do not know the specific details about this situation, just as I do not know the specific details of your situation, however one might think that your African woman may be dealing with you for motives that you do not know about, maybe she wants her citizenship in America if she doesn't already have it. My point is that we should not be judgemental to the negative, when we do not know all of the facts. Believe me Brother James, Black people here in America will wake up sir. Peace and much love. Brother Lorenzo

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James, I understand and relate to your frustrations with the dynamics of Black American relationships, however, be careful with generalizations.

Not all Black women are bad. Plus, you cannot compare Black women to Asians or Africans, especially when those ethnic groups are the majority group in their respective countries--where the difference lies in a class or gender disparity; not a racial disparity in which "undesirable" races are oppressed socially, financially, culturally, etc...

I think that you may have not had ideal relationships with Black women, because you've compared them with women from other cultures. Instead of, taking on an understanding leadership role as a man. For example, when you attempt to control and change a woman and selfishly set her womanly responsibilities according to your needs, wants, and beliefs,you negatively affect the relationship. Some people have been taught from life experiences to be a certain way. They will eventually grow and "get it" when placed in the right, nurturing environment. Also, I feel that it is easier for Black men to point fingers at Black women and say, "You should be doing this!" "A real women doesn't treat her man like that!" than to understand the commonality that you may share by coming from the similar experiences in absent fathers, poverty, struggling single moms, matriarchy culture, etc...

Most women truly want a man who respects and values them--not someone that is going to cheat on them, abuse them, lie and manipulate, neglect them to hang out with their boys, or give them mind trips. Don't turn your back on your culture or criticize it--learn why it is the way it is and find a way to make it better. Many Black women have seen their mothers and grandmothers make it without a man--not because they wanted to, but because they had to. Therefore, many Black women have the inherited ability to do what she has to do with or without a man. For some men, this is understandably a "ball-buster". Some men lack the ability or drive to rise to the occasion when in the face of adversity. And some get offended when the Black women respond too quickly or aggressively. It's a complicated situation between Black men and women. I suggest you study and imitate truly successful relationships--not the run-of-the-mill "Hollywood Power Couples" like Jay-Z and Beyonce. I feel that The Obamas are a great couple that works together and balances out each other when need. Neither appear to outshine or control the other. They simply work together.

Last points, some people believe that men are supposed to be leaders and teachers of the home. I agree that men set the tone of relationships. Men can get any woman to "act right" if he is a "great lover" (Love is an action/choice) and leader.

I've seen plenty of people from many races and cultures "disown" the opposite sex of their race. Only to get in an interracial or intercultural relationship and have the same disharmony. Who is the common denominator. Intimate partners are not "ready-made" material possessions. We need to grow and work with one another--and not be so quick to "dish out" what the other is SUPPOSED to be doing. Help them get there by being non-critical, compassionate, selfless, and learning to reciprocate without the need for payback or hidden motives--which eventually leak out or become evident when behavioral patterns occur.

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I am a young married African-American woman who totally breaks your sterotype of the "independent" African-American woman. I have two children by the same man, my husband and though I would definately consider myself independent, I value my marriage, and marriage in general, very highly. I also have friends who are married and feel the same. It is sad that men in America feel this way about us, and instead of building the African-American woman up, you are helping in tearing us down. Marriage is sacred and you should do what you can to reconcile, but it takes two. To my understanding this breakup, along with many, many more, was based on infidelity. Should we as African-Amreican woman turn a blind eye when we see the signs that our husbands, who took a vow to honor and cherish, breaking this sacred bond of marriage. THIS is the true cause of the high divorce rate in my opinion. In being independent I can support myself if I have to, and am teaching my daughters to also be self sufficient. This does not mean that I do not need a man, it only means that I will not be dependent on a relationship to feel complete. I respect myself and my children enough that I would not stand to be treated with anything but the utmost respect and love from my husband. This idea that you should "stick it out no matter what" is what is truly bringing down the morale of our African-American sisters. We have been taught that you are to stay with your husband and take any abuse that he dishes out, all for the cause of remaining married. This is not the way marriage was intended to be. And furthermore, American men, and men in general, need to make up their minds about what a woman should be. If you are dependent upon a man you are seen as needy, high maitnance, and a gold digger. But if you are self reliant, and don't necessicarily NEED a man to feel comfortable with yourself, you are seen in a negative light also. Compromising in marriage does not mean you are to compromise your beliefs and dignity. Sex was designed for marriage, hence conception was intended to happen between husband and wife, but let us be realistic and say this is not always the case. This does not mean we should think any less of a woman who has a child out of wedlock, being we cannot categorize every woman with a child and no father around. Both of my children were born out of wedlock, and I still hold my head up high and am now married to their father, but if we had never married, I would still hold my head up high knowing that God is the only true judge. Should a woman punish herself because the father of her child is no longer around, which teaches our children to maintain the same low self esteem; or should we stand tall and teach our childern to do the same. Lastly those 60-70% of woman you spoke of that are single with children out of wedlock, did you stop to think where those 60-70% fathers are? More then likely out producing more children out of wedlock, because God forbid we hold them accountable for the children they are helping in producing. A man can just drop his seed and move on to the next. Perhaps instead of focusing our ridicule upon the woman who are left to raise these children on their own, we should focus on teaching our young men to value the creation of life. If my husband and I were ever to seperate, only the end of the world would keep him from being apart of his children's lives, and this is what it is all about.

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Hey BK,
How it do? I was thinking about you. Don't you hate that when you have somethin good to say and it's GONE THE NEXT DAY? You understand. You always got my back. I was like, I had a good comment but didn't feel like messin with it and posting it again. That couple wasn't a match from the start. When they got together, Nas music went downhill. Haven't seen you on here for a min. Nice to see ya on :-) LOL
YOU KNOW HOW WEEZ ROLL!

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Hey BK,
It's your girl "DP". Dont get me wrong, I loved Nas and Kelis's music back in the day before the two married. It seemed like their music was hard and fresh. Their music has changed? Even though I didn't think the two was a match, they could have at least worked it out? Who knows, maybe it will and need some space? But you know what, If Kelis wanted the divorce, she could have at least waited until the baby was born? She shouldn't be dealing with something major like this not now? It's not healthy for the baby. I hope when their baby is born that it's healthy, loved, and not in any kind of mess between the two of them? Hope Nas and Kelis find PEACE! See ya next time.
Bye :-)LOL

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