
Two weeks after being hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer and 'American Idol' winner Fantasia Barrino revealed in a VH1 'Behind the Music' interview on Tuesday night that she knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to die. All of this comes on the heels of an embarrassing divorce case brought by Paula Cook against her husband Antwaun.
As we all know by now, he and Fantasia had been having a very torrid and public affair. There are even rumors that they made a sex tape together. What were they thinking? Once this divorce case is over, it will open the doors to Paula suing Fantasia for adultery and a substantial amount of money, reportedly in the millions. This will be especially tough on Fantasia since she had already lost her first fortune due to a dysfunctional family life and bad business decisions and was in the process of rebuilding both financially and emotionally.
In her own defense, Fantasia has said that even though she knew Cook was married, he told her that he was separated, was not physically living at home and wanted out of his marriage.
When asked what made her want to take her life, Fantasia responded, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father -- dealing with men and their [expletive]. I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Though this drama is far from over for all parties involved, in the spirit of the President Obama's teachable moments, below are five Dr. Jeff teachable moments on love, marriage, cheating and mental health:
1. Proceed with caution and don't ever think you are home free when a person tells you that they are separated and on their way to a divorce, especially if they have children. Quite often people lie about being separated so they can creep. The fact of the matter is that even if they are legitimately separated, they are still working out their issues. And even if they are through with one another, they must still maintain a relationship for the sake of the children. If you are not careful, especially in the early stages of their separation, you may become nothing more than the rebound clown. 2. Research and be cognizant of the laws of adultery concerning your state. For example, Georgia is one of seven states that still allows the parties involved in an extramarital affair to be sued monetarily by the partner who has been cheated on. That's why if Paula Cook sues Fantasia, she stands to take her to the cleaners for her whole fortune. Oh, the good ole South!
3. Don't tattoo your lover's name on your body if he is still married. Yes, Fantasia has Cook tattooed above her left breast, under her shoulder. Now I am sure she is not referring to her kitchen skills! C'mon, folks. I can understand tattoos of your kids' names, or a deity. Bu the name of your married lover!? The same can be said for taking pictures together, texting, sexting and making sex tapes. This is not just reckless, but stupid. Also refer back to teachable moment No. 2....evidence.
4. Don't ever bad-mouth your lover's spouse, don't engage or taunt that spouse in conversation, and for heaven's sake don't meddle in their conflicts. Stand to the side and let them work it out or duke it out. Don't take sides, no matter what your lover tells you. Don't ever forget there are two sides to every story. Besides, it's none of your damn business!!!!! Allegedly, during a phone conversation between Cook and his wife, Fantasia grabbed the phone and crowed: "He don't want you. ... Maybe the next time that you get a husband, you'll know how to keep him. ... That's why he is here with me." Payback is a beeatch. Now Fantasia is eating "crow" and her goose is "cooked."
5. On a very serious note, be aware of the signs of a loved one being depressed and potentially suicidal, either as a result of a love affair gone south or just from the plain old difficulties of life. Luckily, Fantasia had texted her manager Brian Dickens several very depressing messages that he found very disturbing and dispatched himself to her home, where he found her falling in and out of consciousness after taking the pills. The following are some red flags indicating that your loved one may be experiencing suicidal thinking:
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Saying they are tired of, or not seeing the use in, living· Telling you directly they want to die or have a plan for suicide
· Leaving or sending notes expressing their regrets, being sorry and or not having a desire to see tomorrow or the future
· Giving away personal or prized possessions
· A fascination with someone else's suicide
· Constant sadness, lack of energy or too much energy, crying or being angry
· Depression, other mental health issues or previous suicide attempts or gestures (faking or a half-hearted attempt). By the way, suicide gestures are just as serious as legitimate attempts; both can lead to serious injury or accidental death!
Bottom line: If you suspect that someone is suicidal, get them to an emergency room as soon as possible and do not leave them alone until they get professional help.
Finally, as for Fantasia (we should really wish her the best in her emotional recovery) and the rest of the folks who get involved with someone who is separated or going through a divorce, even with the best and most honorable of intentions, these situations are complex. In the words of the Commodores, "Love gets slippery when it's wet." Therefore be aware that you can end up a winner or just as quickly a loser because you really are stepping into someone else's constantly evolving mess.
About Dr. Jeff
Dr. Jeff Gardere, better known as "America's Psychologist," is one of the most sought-after experts in the field of mental health. In addition to having a private practice in New York City, he has garnered a reputation as being a top motivational and keynote speaker, empowerment and media coach. He is a regular featured contributor to BlackVoices.com.



Comments: (76)
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By: LaShaye Banks on 8/25/2010 6:06PM
It's all about Fantasia. How selfish can you be!!Both Fantasia and Antwaun acted/operated out of selfishness. Fantasia saw what she perceived as fine and disregarded Antwaun's young tender family thinking she had struck gold with Antwaun and thinking she would be better to him than his wife. How stupid,selfish!! Did she think Antwaun would be a GREAT father to her child?What was Fantasia purpose for being with a separated husband, father?
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By: Cheryl Smith on 8/26/2010 12:48PM
It simple to say that men will be men. I wonder if Fantasia status was different would his wife still consider to sue her? Lies were told, and deception was played on both women by Mr. Cook. Men are suppose to protect us as women. We look upon the laws that government sets for us and not the laws of God that has been put aside in our present lives. We want to judge others for their decision, yet we want to continue to live our lives. Yes, I have had relationships with married men, do I regret them, but I pray that on Judgement day God forgives me for all of my shortcomings. Fantasia will not be the last other woman in the public or free world.
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By: Michele on 8/26/2010 12:28PM
OK, you sound bitter. None of us know what really happend. Who are any of us to judge. I truly believe that she was dooped and that her young ingnorance and wanting someone to love her made her blind. Does that sound familar? Understand this when you are in your teens and 20's you are stupid. I don't care who you are. Then when you hit 30, the light bulb comes on and you look back and say, "Did I do that?" But thank God for 40 and beyond. You know exactly what is happening and what needs to happen and how. You take no prisoners. You kick a$$!! You know who you are and accept who are. You don't care what others think. You press foward and you take no sh---! It is the greatest feeling in the world. You also look back and see others who may not have faired as well as you did and say to yourself "There go I but for the grace of God." Be blessed!
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By: Black barbie on 8/25/2010 8:07PM
I feel sorry for Fantasia and many other child and young adult performers. The sudden rush of fame is often too much for them to take. Neither they nor their family members are prepared for the legal responsibilities and public exposure celebrity brings.
Fantasia has spoken openly about her educational challenges, add to this her parents' limited education, and suddenly being flush with so much money makes her a target for opportunists. I think that Cook is such an opportunist: this was his come-up. If Paula Cook sues Fantasia, Cook has still enjoyed his time in the sun. Considering how these things usually work out, Paula will win a settlement against Fantasia. Cook and Paula will reconcile and live happily ever after at Fantasia's expense. If you think my scenario is far-fetched, consider Brittney Spears, Kevin Federline, and Shar Jackson. Although Kevin and Shar's reconciliation was short-lived, Kevin can now afford to make his child support payments, courtesy of Brittney.
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By: AllBahianGirl on 8/25/2010 8:13PM
Well I'll admit that when I was younger I feel for that bullsh*t line by married and separated men that they were no longer involved with the wife. A lot of men that I met would be living under the same roof with the wife but would deny that they and the wife were sleeping together. Maybe they weren't sleeping together but I'm always suspicious of a man living in the same house with his wife making that statement because experience have taught me that the man will never take you home if that is the case. Often what a man will tell you is HIS side of the story. When you talk to the wife you get a whole nother version of the story. Maybe by Fantasia being young she fell for the game like I did the only thing is that I'm not famous or successful nor do I live in a Southern state where adultery laws still exist and nor do I have millions that I can be sued for like Fantasia. I guess Fantasia kicked her own behind this time with the tattoo and phone conversation with the wife. You know that the wife is going to milk this for all that it's worth probably even making appearances on Oprah and other talk shows.
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By: Kassy on 8/27/2010 7:32AM
Fantasia made a serious mistake getting involved with a married/separated man, tatoo's etc. What I will say is therapy, therapy, therapy; budget, budget, budget. And kick ALL THOSE FREE LOADING RELATIVES to the curb. As long as you keep supporting the free loaders; they're never going away. Get rid of them. Down-size; sell the mansion, luxury cars(specially the Hummer). Cut up your credit cards and stay out the Mall. We're in a Recession; your in a Depression. Material things will never make you happy. Buy yourself and daughter small house/Condo/Townhouse, something affordable. Look to the Lord for peace of mind.
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By: Jonah on 8/26/2010 1:28AM
Oh wow! A person trys to commit suicide, America puts them on a pedestal, and AOL puts them to work the next day, LOL! If you try to commit suicide you need to be in therapy and watched 24 hours, not dragged to a studio and sing like nothing ever happened. I saw her family - what a mess. She should disown them, she will never be nothing around those bums. Thank God I'm an only child and white.
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By: Shonda on 8/26/2010 9:23AM
What being white has to do with it? There are alot of disfunctional white families. Very stupid statement to make.
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By: Mimi on 8/26/2010 10:26AM
YOU'RE NOT JUST AN ONLY CHILD AND WHITE YOUR STATEMENT SHOWS THAT YOU ARE ALSO VERY STUPID. MAYBE YOUR PARENTS SAW HOW MESSED UP YOU WERE AND DECIDED NOT TO BRING ANOTHER ONE OF YOU INTO THE WORLD. YOUR PARENTS DID THE RIGHT THING.
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By: evilchinkyy on 8/26/2010 10:35AM
Ok explain to me what the hell does being white and only child have to do with anything??? so because your white this could have never happened to you..Please sign off your computer and educate yourself and please throw in a dose of common sense before speaking up you sound retarded..
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