
Two weeks after being hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer and 'American Idol' winner Fantasia Barrino revealed in a VH1 'Behind the Music' interview on Tuesday night that she knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to die. All of this comes on the heels of an embarrassing divorce case brought by Paula Cook against her husband Antwaun.
As we all know by now, he and Fantasia had been having a very torrid and public affair. There are even rumors that they made a sex tape together. What were they thinking? Once this divorce case is over, it will open the doors to Paula suing Fantasia for adultery and a substantial amount of money, reportedly in the millions. This will be especially tough on Fantasia since she had already lost her first fortune due to a dysfunctional family life and bad business decisions and was in the process of rebuilding both financially and emotionally.
In her own defense, Fantasia has said that even though she knew Cook was married, he told her that he was separated, was not physically living at home and wanted out of his marriage.
When asked what made her want to take her life, Fantasia responded, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father -- dealing with men and their [expletive]. I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Though this drama is far from over for all parties involved, in the spirit of the President Obama's teachable moments, below are five Dr. Jeff teachable moments on love, marriage, cheating and mental health:
1. Proceed with caution and don't ever think you are home free when a person tells you that they are separated and on their way to a divorce, especially if they have children. Quite often people lie about being separated so they can creep. The fact of the matter is that even if they are legitimately separated, they are still working out their issues. And even if they are through with one another, they must still maintain a relationship for the sake of the children. If you are not careful, especially in the early stages of their separation, you may become nothing more than the rebound clown. 2. Research and be cognizant of the laws of adultery concerning your state. For example, Georgia is one of seven states that still allows the parties involved in an extramarital affair to be sued monetarily by the partner who has been cheated on. That's why if Paula Cook sues Fantasia, she stands to take her to the cleaners for her whole fortune. Oh, the good ole South!
3. Don't tattoo your lover's name on your body if he is still married. Yes, Fantasia has Cook tattooed above her left breast, under her shoulder. Now I am sure she is not referring to her kitchen skills! C'mon, folks. I can understand tattoos of your kids' names, or a deity. Bu the name of your married lover!? The same can be said for taking pictures together, texting, sexting and making sex tapes. This is not just reckless, but stupid. Also refer back to teachable moment No. 2....evidence.
4. Don't ever bad-mouth your lover's spouse, don't engage or taunt that spouse in conversation, and for heaven's sake don't meddle in their conflicts. Stand to the side and let them work it out or duke it out. Don't take sides, no matter what your lover tells you. Don't ever forget there are two sides to every story. Besides, it's none of your damn business!!!!! Allegedly, during a phone conversation between Cook and his wife, Fantasia grabbed the phone and crowed: "He don't want you. ... Maybe the next time that you get a husband, you'll know how to keep him. ... That's why he is here with me." Payback is a beeatch. Now Fantasia is eating "crow" and her goose is "cooked."
5. On a very serious note, be aware of the signs of a loved one being depressed and potentially suicidal, either as a result of a love affair gone south or just from the plain old difficulties of life. Luckily, Fantasia had texted her manager Brian Dickens several very depressing messages that he found very disturbing and dispatched himself to her home, where he found her falling in and out of consciousness after taking the pills. The following are some red flags indicating that your loved one may be experiencing suicidal thinking:
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Saying they are tired of, or not seeing the use in, living· Telling you directly they want to die or have a plan for suicide
· Leaving or sending notes expressing their regrets, being sorry and or not having a desire to see tomorrow or the future
· Giving away personal or prized possessions
· A fascination with someone else's suicide
· Constant sadness, lack of energy or too much energy, crying or being angry
· Depression, other mental health issues or previous suicide attempts or gestures (faking or a half-hearted attempt). By the way, suicide gestures are just as serious as legitimate attempts; both can lead to serious injury or accidental death!
Bottom line: If you suspect that someone is suicidal, get them to an emergency room as soon as possible and do not leave them alone until they get professional help.
Finally, as for Fantasia (we should really wish her the best in her emotional recovery) and the rest of the folks who get involved with someone who is separated or going through a divorce, even with the best and most honorable of intentions, these situations are complex. In the words of the Commodores, "Love gets slippery when it's wet." Therefore be aware that you can end up a winner or just as quickly a loser because you really are stepping into someone else's constantly evolving mess.
About Dr. Jeff
Dr. Jeff Gardere, better known as "America's Psychologist," is one of the most sought-after experts in the field of mental health. In addition to having a private practice in New York City, he has garnered a reputation as being a top motivational and keynote speaker, empowerment and media coach. He is a regular featured contributor to BlackVoices.com.



Comments: (76)
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By: Trind on 8/26/2010 7:51AM
No. 6, Never make a sex tape, ever. No, 7, leave the broke ones alone. I don't doubt this man told her he was separated and divorcing his wife. I don't doubt it for a second. This is a tired lie, used all the time. She young and wants somebody, so she wanted to believe it. She is not married to his wife. He is. Let his wife sue him. No, wife sees the dollars. She's unloading him to try to get the money as fast as she can. Maybe, they set Fantasia up. I know she wasn't taking sex tapes. It was him. That isn't even a man. I definitely hope the wife does not get her money. Women should stop fighting over these 2 bit men. They ain't worth it. Really, they're not. Maybe, she can find a way to protect some of her assets. She'd be wise think about herself and her child and her hard earned money.
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By: C. on 8/26/2010 10:17AM
These still are some still some good teachable moments for ALL my black people to learn from regardless of if the Dr. has all the facts or not. Where has our morals gone. We flaunt having babies out of wedlock or by some elses husband like its alright. Sleep with with anyone who will drop their panties/boxer don't care if its male, female, married or single. All of this on the 1st time meeting. May God help us all!
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By: DeiaynciaaCimone on 8/26/2010 12:05PM
She should of used her hard earned money and had his ass investigated. He put it on her good and she liked it. Left her good senses to be with this half of a man. He a half cause the other half is with wife and kids. Now if Miss Fantasia did mouth off to the wife and all the other allegations why shouldn't the wife sue? You know Paula Cook is a woman scorned now, and what does a scorned woman do? She SUE! I hope the guy don't run back to wifey after she gets Fantasia's money. SMH. I Pray for Fantasia but I hope she learned a lesson this time.
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By: Trind on 8/26/2010 8:07AM
Fantasia doesn't have to live anything down for the rest of her life. Gimme a break. Cheating goes on----all the time. That isn't about to change. Who does Fantasia have to bow her head to? Only GOD. Certainly, not some hypocritical human beings, hiding under the covers, while doing the same things and worst. Live and learn. Life goes on. We all need therapy, okay.
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By: rita411 on 8/26/2010 9:11AM
What is going on with them coming down on Fantasia??? What the heck gives Alicia Keys a get outta jail free card! Needless to say that whore married Swiss or not! God see's all and she ruined a marriage and guess what her marriage to Swiss is doomed!!! Yeah I said it and it's the truth!!! It's not what you do it's how you do it!!! Fantasia is no different then anyone else, and when called on it she released a statement saying what she knew of the relationship betweek Mr. Cook and his wife..... Swiss drawed in on Ms. Keys because she was Alicia Keys and his financial status was no where near her and it was a financial come up for him... I pray his Ex wife rip the both of them for her children.... As for Fantasia I pray she learn from her mistake and learn that being a celebrity she has to carry herself in another fashion! Alicia has totally loss me as a fan! Just because of the disrespect to me and everyone else and to Swiss Ex wife and there children!!!! The man upstairs will take care of her and she'll see that her marriage isn't what it's all cracked up to be!!!! As you can see it already started giving Trash Swiss problems with the IRS he's a idot!!!! He'll get his, and for Ms. Keys drawing a death ear she'll see how her life plays out in the public eye and unfold!!!! Both of them total trash! I thought much more of Alicia then that......
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By: Shonda on 8/26/2010 9:23AM
I totally agree with you about Alicia. She just has a good publicist to spin things around for her. I give their marriage two years and we will be hearing about divorce papers. You lose them how you get them. From Swiss reputation, it's a matter of time.
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By: Mimi on 8/26/2010 5:00PM
ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT BECAME ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WHILE FILIMING THE MOVIE MR AND MRS SMITH. BRAD PITT WAS STILL MARRIED TO JENNIFER ANISTON AT THE TIME.
I REMEMBER THERE WERE SEVERAL NEWS STORIES ABOUT ANGELINA DURING THIS TIME REGARDING HER BREAKING UP THEIR MARRIAGE.
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By: TINA on 8/26/2010 9:18PM
WOW... this is truly very hateful of you. Whatever happened with Alicia and Swiss or Fantasia and her guy who are we to judge. We all have skeletons in our closet and things I am sure we don't want people to know. I think if we all spent more time and energy dissecting our own lives instead of trashing and putting time limits on others maybe we would do better. Nobody but those involved know the truth... all we hear is what is put out in the streets. Isn't there enough black on black hate.... Yall need to really look in the mirror and work on yourselves before you say such mean things about people you don't even know. Hell Swiss ex wife could be the one lying... you don't know do you!!! It's truly sad!!!
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By: shonda on 8/26/2010 9:22AM
@Jonah, what being white has to do with anything? There are plenty disfuntional white families. Very stupid comment. I'm pretty sure the husband lied. Fantasia will live and learn. I still love her music, but I do hope she has to pay something be it monetary and reputation. What pissed me off, is when I heard she told the wife "He don't want you. ... Maybe the next time that you get a husband, you'll know how to keep him. ... That's why he is here with me." She shouldn't have said anything to that woman.
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By: rita411 on 8/26/2010 10:26AM
Shonda now to say that Fantasia should give the woman anything is harsh, because him and the woman was separated when she met him they just wasn't divorced but being that he didn't have anything on the same level as her or near it! She should choose her men like she do fruit that's what I say because Mr. Cook was a T-mobile sales associate! For real what could he bring to the table other then issues..... So I don't know what Ms. Fantasia was bragging about being with him! LOL!!! Fantasia is young and very immature and needs to stop concentrating on men and concentrate on her brand and building it!!!! That's all I am gonna say!!! As for Alicia she needs nor trash Swiss need anymore comments...
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