
Two weeks after being hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer and 'American Idol' winner Fantasia Barrino revealed in a VH1 'Behind the Music' interview on Tuesday night that she knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to die. All of this comes on the heels of an embarrassing divorce case brought by Paula Cook against her husband Antwaun.
As we all know by now, he and Fantasia had been having a very torrid and public affair. There are even rumors that they made a sex tape together. What were they thinking? Once this divorce case is over, it will open the doors to Paula suing Fantasia for adultery and a substantial amount of money, reportedly in the millions. This will be especially tough on Fantasia since she had already lost her first fortune due to a dysfunctional family life and bad business decisions and was in the process of rebuilding both financially and emotionally.
In her own defense, Fantasia has said that even though she knew Cook was married, he told her that he was separated, was not physically living at home and wanted out of his marriage.
When asked what made her want to take her life, Fantasia responded, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father -- dealing with men and their [expletive]. I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Though this drama is far from over for all parties involved, in the spirit of the President Obama's teachable moments, below are five Dr. Jeff teachable moments on love, marriage, cheating and mental health:
1. Proceed with caution and don't ever think you are home free when a person tells you that they are separated and on their way to a divorce, especially if they have children. Quite often people lie about being separated so they can creep. The fact of the matter is that even if they are legitimately separated, they are still working out their issues. And even if they are through with one another, they must still maintain a relationship for the sake of the children. If you are not careful, especially in the early stages of their separation, you may become nothing more than the rebound clown. 2. Research and be cognizant of the laws of adultery concerning your state. For example, Georgia is one of seven states that still allows the parties involved in an extramarital affair to be sued monetarily by the partner who has been cheated on. That's why if Paula Cook sues Fantasia, she stands to take her to the cleaners for her whole fortune. Oh, the good ole South!
3. Don't tattoo your lover's name on your body if he is still married. Yes, Fantasia has Cook tattooed above her left breast, under her shoulder. Now I am sure she is not referring to her kitchen skills! C'mon, folks. I can understand tattoos of your kids' names, or a deity. Bu the name of your married lover!? The same can be said for taking pictures together, texting, sexting and making sex tapes. This is not just reckless, but stupid. Also refer back to teachable moment No. 2....evidence.
4. Don't ever bad-mouth your lover's spouse, don't engage or taunt that spouse in conversation, and for heaven's sake don't meddle in their conflicts. Stand to the side and let them work it out or duke it out. Don't take sides, no matter what your lover tells you. Don't ever forget there are two sides to every story. Besides, it's none of your damn business!!!!! Allegedly, during a phone conversation between Cook and his wife, Fantasia grabbed the phone and crowed: "He don't want you. ... Maybe the next time that you get a husband, you'll know how to keep him. ... That's why he is here with me." Payback is a beeatch. Now Fantasia is eating "crow" and her goose is "cooked."
5. On a very serious note, be aware of the signs of a loved one being depressed and potentially suicidal, either as a result of a love affair gone south or just from the plain old difficulties of life. Luckily, Fantasia had texted her manager Brian Dickens several very depressing messages that he found very disturbing and dispatched himself to her home, where he found her falling in and out of consciousness after taking the pills. The following are some red flags indicating that your loved one may be experiencing suicidal thinking:
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Saying they are tired of, or not seeing the use in, living· Telling you directly they want to die or have a plan for suicide
· Leaving or sending notes expressing their regrets, being sorry and or not having a desire to see tomorrow or the future
· Giving away personal or prized possessions
· A fascination with someone else's suicide
· Constant sadness, lack of energy or too much energy, crying or being angry
· Depression, other mental health issues or previous suicide attempts or gestures (faking or a half-hearted attempt). By the way, suicide gestures are just as serious as legitimate attempts; both can lead to serious injury or accidental death!
Bottom line: If you suspect that someone is suicidal, get them to an emergency room as soon as possible and do not leave them alone until they get professional help.
Finally, as for Fantasia (we should really wish her the best in her emotional recovery) and the rest of the folks who get involved with someone who is separated or going through a divorce, even with the best and most honorable of intentions, these situations are complex. In the words of the Commodores, "Love gets slippery when it's wet." Therefore be aware that you can end up a winner or just as quickly a loser because you really are stepping into someone else's constantly evolving mess.
About Dr. Jeff
Dr. Jeff Gardere, better known as "America's Psychologist," is one of the most sought-after experts in the field of mental health. In addition to having a private practice in New York City, he has garnered a reputation as being a top motivational and keynote speaker, empowerment and media coach. He is a regular featured contributor to BlackVoices.com.



Comments: (76)
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By: babylove on 8/26/2010 9:54AM
Me personally i want to know and i think i know what the hell fantasia was thinking. first of all she got the big head with money. figuring that money can move a mountain. but instead of the mountain moving it was erupted. by a bad volcano which occured by fantasia. Got Money Got The BigHead And Dum And Simple Minded!
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By: Slammin on 8/26/2010 10:14AM
My people are destroyed from lack of kmowledge. That's what the Bible says. This is one ignorant lil girl and she's suffering because of it. She's led by her emotions and guilt a volatile combination. I hope she dumps all the baggage and learns from her mistakes. Ignorance of your state's law is not BLISS! She will pay in more ways than one. I hope the best for you FB! Hold on learn how to think and stay here w/us a while. Bless you!
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By: Sandra Renee Hicks on 8/26/2010 10:38AM
Greetings -
I love Fantasia and wish her and her family health in every aspect - spiritual, mental and physical.
We all do foolish things. Some "check and correct" while others continue in the directions of foolishness.
My prayer is that Fantasia will seek forgiveness first from GOD, and from others that she has hurt.
In particular, I pray that she will seek forgiveness from MRS. Cook, the wife of her, Fantasia says, former lover. Whether or not she has ceased to be with him....
Seeking forgiveness is a start but to be considered sincere it needs to be followed up with actions that represent the discontinuance of that for which forgiveness was sought.
Also, it is often said by “lovers” of adulterers that they did NOT get with the adulterers until they were separated from their spouses. The adulterers justify their conduct with the separation nonsense. SEPARATED DOES NOT MEAN SINGLE AND AVAILABLE. It means married but separated. In the heart of GOD, it means married – in the hearts of those cheated on, it means married - in the places of law, it means married. And for those who are engaged in acts of adultery and their “lovers” – they KNOW that it means married.
MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED UNTIL DIVORCED DIVORCED DIVORCED.
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By: Jace on 8/26/2010 11:27AM
Amen and Amen. Final divorce decree for me 8-11-2010. My ex played that same separated game. However, his paramour knew we were married and had a business together. Ladies, you can check public records if your relationship is in doubt. No dissolution of divorce, your man is married. Some states do not recognize separation. Hence, still married. Please don't get involved with married men. There is too much collateral damage. God does forgive, however, the consequences of your actions may be life altering. Much peace to all.
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By: AllBahianGirl on 8/26/2010 10:46AM
@Shonda. Your statement is right on the money "you lose them how you get them". If a man will walk away from his wife then what makes you think the man won't walk away from you? I never did like breaking up families and taking a married man away from his wife because I believe in the law of karma and the Big Payback. If a man is quick to leave his wife now that a bigger meal ticket has come along in the form of Alicia Keys and Fantasia then he'll soon dump them when a Paris Hilton or Kennedy kid comes along who has waaaay more money. Any woman who is stupid enough to get involved with a married man who is only with his wife until a bigger meal ticket comes along needs to run for "Sucker of the Year".
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By: Deborah Lowe on 8/26/2010 5:37PM
I really feel sorry for Fantasia,this is a case of looking for love in the wrong place,i also agree with the comment that she was set-up.i would be willing to bet money that the wife will sue her for everything she's got,and all of a sudden her and hubby are going to work everything out,spending her money and laughing all the way to the BANK!
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By: M.N.M. "Candy" on 8/26/2010 11:20AM
Fantasia is still very young. Nine out ten people at her age have on some level found themselves in similar situations. All of her mental energy has been trying to take care of other people, even the energy she has donated to her music. If I had to guess, I would say that most married people cheat for whatever reason, but if I were trying to get my life on track and some hot man approached me and made me feel better about living, I wouldn't say no, but I would not let it go so far. In other words, her mistake was falling in LOVE with a married man.
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By: JAZZY on 8/26/2010 11:26AM
KARMA IS REAL AND POWERFUL,YOU CHEATING MOTHER F##KERS BETTER LOOK WHERE YOU WALKING. YOU ABOUT TO STEP INTO HELL. REAL TALK
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By: msboo on 8/26/2010 11:55AM
You got to be kidding me if you don't see that this quy played her and by Fantasia not being very clear about men and still being young he run with it. If you put a reality show on about who you are suppose to be don't think that when people see you they are not going to run with the perception of who they think you are from seeing your show. If they see you as being someone that doesn't seem as street smart or even book smart they are going to play you for everything you got. Fantasia might of thought he was the one but believe brother was going to ride this train until he couldn't ride it any more because if he was down for her then why not he speak on the fact of him being down for her and he did tell her he was separated. He won't do that because he is now going to wait until that wife gets paid and say honey I'm home.
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By: Mimi on 8/26/2010 5:13PM
THE FACT THAT HE DID A SEX TAPE WITH FANTASIA IS AN INDICATION THAT LOVE WAS NOT REALLY IN THE PICTURE.
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