
Two weeks after being hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and a sleep aid, singer and 'American Idol' winner Fantasia Barrino revealed in a VH1 'Behind the Music' interview on Tuesday night that she knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to die. All of this comes on the heels of an embarrassing divorce case brought by Paula Cook against her husband Antwaun.
As we all know by now, he and Fantasia had been having a very torrid and public affair. There are even rumors that they made a sex tape together. What were they thinking? Once this divorce case is over, it will open the doors to Paula suing Fantasia for adultery and a substantial amount of money, reportedly in the millions. This will be especially tough on Fantasia since she had already lost her first fortune due to a dysfunctional family life and bad business decisions and was in the process of rebuilding both financially and emotionally.
In her own defense, Fantasia has said that even though she knew Cook was married, he told her that he was separated, was not physically living at home and wanted out of his marriage.
When asked what made her want to take her life, Fantasia responded, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father -- dealing with men and their [expletive]. I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it."
Though this drama is far from over for all parties involved, in the spirit of the President Obama's teachable moments, below are five Dr. Jeff teachable moments on love, marriage, cheating and mental health:
1. Proceed with caution and don't ever think you are home free when a person tells you that they are separated and on their way to a divorce, especially if they have children. Quite often people lie about being separated so they can creep. The fact of the matter is that even if they are legitimately separated, they are still working out their issues. And even if they are through with one another, they must still maintain a relationship for the sake of the children. If you are not careful, especially in the early stages of their separation, you may become nothing more than the rebound clown. 2. Research and be cognizant of the laws of adultery concerning your state. For example, Georgia is one of seven states that still allows the parties involved in an extramarital affair to be sued monetarily by the partner who has been cheated on. That's why if Paula Cook sues Fantasia, she stands to take her to the cleaners for her whole fortune. Oh, the good ole South!
3. Don't tattoo your lover's name on your body if he is still married. Yes, Fantasia has Cook tattooed above her left breast, under her shoulder. Now I am sure she is not referring to her kitchen skills! C'mon, folks. I can understand tattoos of your kids' names, or a deity. Bu the name of your married lover!? The same can be said for taking pictures together, texting, sexting and making sex tapes. This is not just reckless, but stupid. Also refer back to teachable moment No. 2....evidence.
4. Don't ever bad-mouth your lover's spouse, don't engage or taunt that spouse in conversation, and for heaven's sake don't meddle in their conflicts. Stand to the side and let them work it out or duke it out. Don't take sides, no matter what your lover tells you. Don't ever forget there are two sides to every story. Besides, it's none of your damn business!!!!! Allegedly, during a phone conversation between Cook and his wife, Fantasia grabbed the phone and crowed: "He don't want you. ... Maybe the next time that you get a husband, you'll know how to keep him. ... That's why he is here with me." Payback is a beeatch. Now Fantasia is eating "crow" and her goose is "cooked."
5. On a very serious note, be aware of the signs of a loved one being depressed and potentially suicidal, either as a result of a love affair gone south or just from the plain old difficulties of life. Luckily, Fantasia had texted her manager Brian Dickens several very depressing messages that he found very disturbing and dispatched himself to her home, where he found her falling in and out of consciousness after taking the pills. The following are some red flags indicating that your loved one may be experiencing suicidal thinking:
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Saying they are tired of, or not seeing the use in, living· Telling you directly they want to die or have a plan for suicide
· Leaving or sending notes expressing their regrets, being sorry and or not having a desire to see tomorrow or the future
· Giving away personal or prized possessions
· A fascination with someone else's suicide
· Constant sadness, lack of energy or too much energy, crying or being angry
· Depression, other mental health issues or previous suicide attempts or gestures (faking or a half-hearted attempt). By the way, suicide gestures are just as serious as legitimate attempts; both can lead to serious injury or accidental death!
Bottom line: If you suspect that someone is suicidal, get them to an emergency room as soon as possible and do not leave them alone until they get professional help.
Finally, as for Fantasia (we should really wish her the best in her emotional recovery) and the rest of the folks who get involved with someone who is separated or going through a divorce, even with the best and most honorable of intentions, these situations are complex. In the words of the Commodores, "Love gets slippery when it's wet." Therefore be aware that you can end up a winner or just as quickly a loser because you really are stepping into someone else's constantly evolving mess.
About Dr. Jeff
Dr. Jeff Gardere, better known as "America's Psychologist," is one of the most sought-after experts in the field of mental health. In addition to having a private practice in New York City, he has garnered a reputation as being a top motivational and keynote speaker, empowerment and media coach. He is a regular featured contributor to BlackVoices.com.



Comments: (76)
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By: Tress on 8/26/2010 12:06PM
Yes she made a mistake, often times ppl tend to put ppl in the Entertainment buisness can do no wrong or make mistakes, like the are above everybody else in the world. They are human they can feel,see,walk,& talk the same as we do.Hell she saw a fine brother that bout hit all the rite places at the rite time, it was lust not love,how many of you have been in the same situation,quite a few.Keep your head to the Sky Fantasia,Trust in God & not Man he will fail you everytime.
Truly A Loyal Fan,
Mrs.Tress
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By: merle clark on 8/26/2010 1:34PM
I really feel for fantasia and I wish her only but the best in life. I know what she is going threw with all her problems with her so call man and her family taking her for all her money.
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By: Kierah on 8/26/2010 1:49PM
The tattoo may do in Mrs. Cook's case against her husband. That tattoo was there long before Mrs. Cook says her marriage ended (June 2010). That would indicate the relationship was happened for a while, but also that the separation began a while ago as well.
I don't think any good comes from going after a mistress. How is money going to make up for the demise of a marriage?
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By: Rosita3597 on 9/07/2010 5:35PM
Best wishes to Fantasia, she has a gift but she does not have the right people around her. Her family has done her wrong, suing her, mooching off her, acting like she owe them something. I don't think she has anyone in her corner looking out for her best interst, and she needs to cut Mr. Cook loose, he has too much drama.
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By: BarbaraJean on 8/26/2010 4:17PM
Yes, Fantasia "allegedly" made a number of naive and immature missteps in this situation. And, in most instances we will eventually pay for the mistakes in life. And, yes, the wife will probably go after Fantasia's money and will probably win!! But, Fantasia is still young and capable of regaining her wealth. I am sure the ex cannot go after her future earnings. But this a life lesson Fantasia clearly needed to learn. And, I am sure she will use this valuable learned lesson in the future.
God Bless All Involved!
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By: MsJade on 8/26/2010 3:55PM
First of all, Why is everyone down on Fantasia and Alicia Keys? There are other parties in the situation, THE MEN!
They are the ones that took the wedding vows not the women. Hold the men accountable.
Second, There is no such creature as a SINGLE man...A man always has SOMEONE, but it an ex-wife, girlfriend, booty call partner or baby mama etc. So a female that is looking for a man of "her own" is not going to fine one. Those who think so..living in the land of OZ!
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By: Diane on 8/27/2010 11:35AM
MsJade, I think you have some deep-seated hurt in your heart and it’s very unhealthy to carry that stuff around. Just say no to worry and past mistake and hurts in your life because you have a wonderful live ahead of you if you want it, you just have to reach out and grab it.
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By: Felice on 8/26/2010 3:57PM
Where was Fantasia's concern for her child, while she was busy trying to kill herself over someone else's husband? At the end of the day, she is the most important person in all of this.
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By: Jamal on 8/26/2010 4:26PM
"Obama teaching moments?" Obama sucks fools. If you think he's out there to help the brothers and sisters, you're stupid. The man is there to fill his pockets and he's doing a fine job, yes he is. At least with a republican I had a job and a place to come home to. Don't want his handouts, I am what you fools call a proud black man. Just let me use my education and back away.
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By: Forbiddenone on 8/26/2010 5:00PM
Yes you did have a job and place to call home, but then it was that same Republican leadership who denied and lied to you about being in a recession, outsourced those blue collar jobs for cheaper labor and literally destroyed the housing market and lets not forget the $300-600 checks that went towards the high gas prices. Hey, blame the new guy for your lack of preparation and inability to see the warning signs. Too proud to take a handout is what will keep you down. Not only did this proud black man see the warning signs under YOUR Republican guards, but I made a substantial profits in the process and still took "handouts" because it's my tax money that's involved. So, I'm proud of President Obama giving me a handout because my business is soaring and I have more money in my pocket. Learn the lessons, son and you too might become financially independent.
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