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It's hard following in the footsteps of your mother, especially when she's Pulitzer Prize-winning author Alice Walker.
For 40-year-old author Rebecca Walker, having a famous mother has been anything but easy, and she's opening up about just how her difficult life was.
"I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother – thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman," she revealed to British newspaper Daily Mail.
"My mom taught me that children enslave women," she continued. "I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale."
These days, the Yale graduate (born Rebecca Leventhal) is the proud mother of a 3-year-old son named Tenzin with her partner, Glen. Yet, she holds 'The Color Purple' novelist responsible for much of her hardships growing up and is working hard at being a totally different type of mother.
"Ironically, my mother regards herself as a hugely maternal woman. Believing that women are suppressed, she has campaigned for their rights around the world," she noted.
"But while she has taken care of daughters all over the world and is hugely revered for her public work and service, my childhood tells a very different story. I came very low down in her priorities -- after work, political integrity, self-fulfillment, friendships, spiritual life, fame and travel."
Following in her mother's footsteps, the biracial Mississippi native devoted a great deal of her life to upholding feminist principles.
She co-founded a nonprofit, Third Wave Foundation, to encourage activism in young women and was recognized for her work signing up tens of thousands of young female voters by the National Association of University Women, the National Organization for Women and the League of Women Voters.
She was also a contributing editor to several notable publications, including Essence, Ms., Glamour, Interview, Vibe and Mademoiselle. Time magazine even chose her as one of its 50 Future Leaders of America.
For her mother, aside from writing the seminal novel, which spawned a classic film and a hit Broadway musical of the same name, the Georgia native has published poetry, novels and nonfiction works, in addition to being honored with the Radcliffe Institute Fellowship, the Merrill Fellowship, and a Guggenheim Fellowship.
The personal lives of mother and daughter mirror each other, too. For years Rebecca dated alternative-rock soul singer Meshell Ndegeocello, while her 66 year-old mother was rumored to be romantically involved with singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman.
Still, Rebecca believes her mother was selfish, taking off in her teenager years for a two-month jaunt to Greece and leaving her with relatives. When she was younger, Rebecca says, her mother forbade her from playing with dolls.
"A good mother is attentive, sets boundaries and makes the world safe for her child. But my mother did none of those things."
"I was 16 when I found a now-famous poem she wrote comparing me to various calamities that struck and impeded the lives of other women writers," Rebecca noted.
According to Rebecca, Alice called her a "delightful distraction, but a calamity nevertheless." It was something that she said was "a huge shock and very upsetting."
The two women were estranged after Rebecca's 2000 memoir, 'Black, White and Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self' was released. Her mother was unhappy about some of her reflections in the tome.Still, their communication did not cease until Rebecca became pregnant with her first child in 2004.
"I was at one of her homes, sitting, and told her my news and that I'd never been happier. She went very quiet. All she could say was that she was shocked. Then, she asked if I could check on her garden."
An e-mail correspondence followed between the two women after Alice became upset at an interview in which Rebecca mentioned that her parents did not protect or look out for her. Now, according to Rebecca, she's been cut out of her mother's will.
"She wrote me a letter saying that our relationship has been inconsequential for years, and that she is no longer interested in being my mother," Rebecca noted.
"I have since heard that my mother has cut me out of her will in favor of one of my cousins," she added. "I feel terribly sad – my mother is missing such a great opportunity to be close to her family, but I'm also relieved. Unlike most mothers, mine has never taken any pride in my achievements."
"I've done all I can to be a loyal, loving daughter, but I can no longer have this poisonous relationship destroy my life."
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Comments: (137)
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By: rasil on 9/18/2010 7:20AM
I know exactly how Rebecca feels. I had a toxic relationship with my mother who only seemed to love and care about my siblings whose father was different from mind. I always sought her love but it was never shown to me nor did I feel loved by her. I performed well in school but it was never enough. She'd call me out of my name etc. Whatever my siblings did it was wonderful and negative behavior was never reprimanded. My sister was pregnant and had a child at thirteen. I obtained several degrees, career, a business, purchased property, etc. They did much less. When my mother died, it was the brother who treated her the worst. Literally shameful. So those who call her unthankful, you have no idea. It sort of like being motherless but God takes care of the motherless. This I know all to well. I do hope that Rebecca heals as I have and moves on with herlife because life is wonderful even without a loving mother.
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By: Nicki on 9/19/2010 4:06PM
Your remarks are so passionate, I wonder of you're a friend of Ms. Walker's. I grew up revering Alice Walker as an artist. Her "In Search of Our Mother's Garden's" is an all-time favorite book of mine. But I recognize that Alice Walker, the public figure, may be different from Alice Walker, the mother.
Rebecca is of my generation. I can revere her mother's works, and, at the same time, empathize with the daughter's pain. Being a trailblazer couldn't have been easy,and it's conceivable that Alice may have left a wounded daughter in her wake. Regarding your comment that Rebecca wasn't abused. Sounds like she was emotionally abused--perhaps unwittingly. It's not "whiny" to want a parent's approval. Neither is it a surprise that the teenage Rebecca would use surreptitious means to learn about her mother.
It's clear that mother and daughter have hurt each other. Perhaps in time they can forgive each other. If not, I hope Rebecca's wounds won't keep her from giving her son the feelings of protection and love that she believes she was denied.
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By: Dreamprincesstar on 9/18/2010 2:46PM
This young mother is PROTECTING her child in the best way she knows how, by exposing her mother's hatred of motherhood. Alice Walker not only hated motherhood, she hates grand-motherhood too.
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By: faby on 9/18/2010 9:29PM
she doesn't hate feminism. she never has. what she hates is her mother's interpretation of those feminist thoughts and how she used those thoughts to rear her own daughter. it hurts to have a mother who sees you more as a burden, road block or milestone than a person she loves, admires and appreciates
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By: michelle on 9/21/2010 4:08AM
Child abusers feed, clothe,educate and put a roof over their childrens heads....Wake up that's not all Humans need in life. Why do you think her mother felt children are a distraction? Maybe because she was made to feel she was one herself growing up in Mississippi.
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By: kheru on 9/21/2010 10:03AM
If you had good parents or extended family that looked after you, then good for you and you are lucky. parents are human beings and unless they are willing to listen to what their children need from them, do what humans do, which is what they want. This is not always what the children, also human beings, need from them. this girl has ever right to express her feelings through her art, which is writing and try to purge her hurt so she doesn't do the same things to her son. good luck to her. If Alice has anything to say in response, she is also free to do that. dirty laundry does't stay hidden as well these days as it used to any way.
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By: kheru on 9/21/2010 10:52AM
Adrienne, have you ever found a letter/diary/poem written by your mother (a famous writer, to make it worse) that says you are "a delightful distraction," but "a calamity?" My parents weren't perfect (my mother seemily chose religion over me and her own happiness; my father was physically and emotioially abusive) to such a degree that I'm estranged from them both right now. But I NEVER thought either of them didn't love or want me. Even as my father was beating my brains out, he SAID it was becuse he loved me and didn't want me to be a brat, so I believed him. I could not imagine finding something that said that one or both of them had never wanted me. Think about that how that would feel as you are judging this woman or anyone else who has a different experience than yours.
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By: itsawndflf on 9/21/2010 10:38AM
I totally agree ! Ok, we don't always get the mom we want, or need as a kid. The fact is you went to an ivyleague school and have had priveleges that most people dream about. Didn't your mom pay for that education & lifestyle? She didn't have to. You have to give love to get love. You need to commuicate with your mom. Also, how in the world can you be shocked that you are out of the will ?? You can't be that blind. Boy, wait till your kid writes his book.
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By: Helen Thomas on 9/22/2010 3:59AM
She began in her mother's footsteps, because that was all she knew. HOwever, Rebecca is far from 'whiney'. I believe, as some other responders do, that it was a very liberating action she took when she walked away from that spiritually dead relationship.
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By: heather on 10/11/2012 3:51PM
Yep how dare she say her mother was wrong for ignoring her, resenting her, and trying to ruin her! I can't imagine what her grounds for complaint are. You must be one of those super selfish women too, hopefully you dont have kids because you will destroy them the way her mother destroyed her.
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