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It's hard following in the footsteps of your mother, especially when she's Pulitzer Prize-winning author Alice Walker.
For 40-year-old author Rebecca Walker, having a famous mother has been anything but easy, and she's opening up about just how her difficult life was.
"I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother – thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman," she revealed to British newspaper Daily Mail.
"My mom taught me that children enslave women," she continued. "I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale."
These days, the Yale graduate (born Rebecca Leventhal) is the proud mother of a 3-year-old son named Tenzin with her partner, Glen. Yet, she holds 'The Color Purple' novelist responsible for much of her hardships growing up and is working hard at being a totally different type of mother.
"Ironically, my mother regards herself as a hugely maternal woman. Believing that women are suppressed, she has campaigned for their rights around the world," she noted.
"But while she has taken care of daughters all over the world and is hugely revered for her public work and service, my childhood tells a very different story. I came very low down in her priorities -- after work, political integrity, self-fulfillment, friendships, spiritual life, fame and travel."
Following in her mother's footsteps, the biracial Mississippi native devoted a great deal of her life to upholding feminist principles.
She co-founded a nonprofit, Third Wave Foundation, to encourage activism in young women and was recognized for her work signing up tens of thousands of young female voters by the National Association of University Women, the National Organization for Women and the League of Women Voters.
She was also a contributing editor to several notable publications, including Essence, Ms., Glamour, Interview, Vibe and Mademoiselle. Time magazine even chose her as one of its 50 Future Leaders of America.
For her mother, aside from writing the seminal novel, which spawned a classic film and a hit Broadway musical of the same name, the Georgia native has published poetry, novels and nonfiction works, in addition to being honored with the Radcliffe Institute Fellowship, the Merrill Fellowship, and a Guggenheim Fellowship.
The personal lives of mother and daughter mirror each other, too. For years Rebecca dated alternative-rock soul singer Meshell Ndegeocello, while her 66 year-old mother was rumored to be romantically involved with singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman.
Still, Rebecca believes her mother was selfish, taking off in her teenager years for a two-month jaunt to Greece and leaving her with relatives. When she was younger, Rebecca says, her mother forbade her from playing with dolls.
"A good mother is attentive, sets boundaries and makes the world safe for her child. But my mother did none of those things."
"I was 16 when I found a now-famous poem she wrote comparing me to various calamities that struck and impeded the lives of other women writers," Rebecca noted.
According to Rebecca, Alice called her a "delightful distraction, but a calamity nevertheless." It was something that she said was "a huge shock and very upsetting."
The two women were estranged after Rebecca's 2000 memoir, 'Black, White and Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self' was released. Her mother was unhappy about some of her reflections in the tome.Still, their communication did not cease until Rebecca became pregnant with her first child in 2004.
"I was at one of her homes, sitting, and told her my news and that I'd never been happier. She went very quiet. All she could say was that she was shocked. Then, she asked if I could check on her garden."
An e-mail correspondence followed between the two women after Alice became upset at an interview in which Rebecca mentioned that her parents did not protect or look out for her. Now, according to Rebecca, she's been cut out of her mother's will.
"She wrote me a letter saying that our relationship has been inconsequential for years, and that she is no longer interested in being my mother," Rebecca noted.
"I have since heard that my mother has cut me out of her will in favor of one of my cousins," she added. "I feel terribly sad – my mother is missing such a great opportunity to be close to her family, but I'm also relieved. Unlike most mothers, mine has never taken any pride in my achievements."
"I've done all I can to be a loyal, loving daughter, but I can no longer have this poisonous relationship destroy my life."
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Comments: (137)
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By: Adrianne on 9/18/2010 9:34PM
Exactly. I'm 39-no children and my relationship with my mother on most days are strained. I disagree with a lot my mother did and we BOTH have our issues. But I am thankful for all the overtime she worked, the roof she provided and food that filled the refrigerator. How ungrateful to lambast her mother because she took vacations without her. That is not unusal. Again, if this article was about real neglect or abuse then I would applaud her for coming forward. But this? Please.
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By: Moradeun on 9/18/2010 10:45PM
@ Michael. In your opinion I'm an apologist to behavior the two of us don't really know to what extent of dysfunction it really was. There is no clearly in this brief description the article provides. No psychological evaluations from credible sources were provided. So I would not go off the deep end as to call me names. Clearly, you have been deeply wounded by your mother and again, I will say that it is your responsibility to go out there and get the treatment/healing you need then firmly decide that you will manifest something better for your family. And as a Christian, aren't we supposed to have compassion and mercy - like that we ask our Spiritual head for in our times of repute?
This idealization of "mother" is not good can't we see that. We understand it when it comes to father - well he can leave and cheat and everyone seems to understand it. Mother is just as competitive, ambitious, limited or powerful as the next. She is not "GOD" for whom put us all here on the planet to do our best. Should another ego stop by and judge another as sloughing or shirking ones responsibility then so be it but be sure you are doing your best and even so there will be a child of yours still demanding that you should have or could have done more - for there is always room for more improvement.
Within us I truly believe are survival skills. We are little gods who've inherited the gift of moving forward. Read history. Mothers and Fathers aren't the BIG GOD. Even God who put us in families much worse than Rebecca have produced children scarred soul but masters in the game of life. Why are not we protesting God for putting us here on earth with wars and into families that are beyond dysfunctional or into a life filled with discrimination!? Because we know deep within that we - the I-in- I speaks to say: When I get out of here I will give myself better. We are one another's inspiration not saviours.
Most not adversity be on our path...? White folks say, "Aww, slavery happened along time ago - get over it. Where is Michael's voice calling them ignoramous? We can move past our parents' flaws to make choices of our own which we think is better - we have that freedom and space to actually challenge, and manifest our better way. This child after trying to do it her mother's way chose to have a baby and man. So good for her. That was her exercising her freedom to be her not her mother all over again.
If your mother is closed and you are open be open - and as humorous as life can be you'll have a child that will feel that your openness is embarrassing or smothering then later write a book about how his or her parent would not give them space to think.
Children come on this planet not for you Michael but for their spiritual growth and development and for what humanity needs.
My Black community has survived legalized domestic terrorism, laws of discrimination, four hundred years of free labor, the "we don't need your behinds any more aka reconstruction," jibba boos, hateful media representations of our character, abandonment by those closest to us and exploitation by those who reap the economical benefits of their forefathers' machinations and even more. So the sickness or maladies you speak of didn't start with our mothers. Maybe the environments they were left to manage on their own without police protection or male protection left them vulnerable to the psychological ramifications of a "bad situation," But Michael, you will always be the superhero in somebody elses reality. That's right, Michael, everything was and has been just as sweet as pie for the Black woman. We're just some ungrateful beeetches. So go to the other woman and glorify her perfection.
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By: Denise on 9/21/2010 2:56PM
Well said....sounds like Alice did the best she could by her child and herself. She was a working parent. It's great that she had Rebecca and her life too. All too often mothers lose themselves when they have children. We should be able to have it all. The complete package. Why must we make excuses for having a child, career and a life; man have been doing this for years. And when a man does this we call him a real man, great father and provider so why can't Alice be called a real woman , great mother etc... She handled her jobs. It may not have been to Rebecca's liking but Alice did her job. Alice gave her a beautiful life. So many would kill for this life. Hopefully Rebecca will be about to have the complete package with her children. I also think that the people who cared for Rebecca while Alice was working share the blame of why Rebecca feels Alice wasn't a good mother. And it definitely takes a village to raise a well rounded, productive, well behaved, great mannered child. May Rebecca and Alice learn to find comfort with each other.
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By: Beverly Franks on 9/18/2010 2:13PM
I feel bad and happy for Rebecca; she is one example of any children who often get caught in an unhealthy situaion like this and still survived. She is right to break this poisonous relationship for the sake of herself and her son. It is Alice's loss. Nuturing mothers are human beings with flaws but we can honestly admit our mistakes and learn from our children. Children are so forgiving and precious. I love my two children.
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By: LH on 9/18/2010 3:17PM
Parenting is not easy work people and there are two sides to every story. So while my heart goes out to Rebecca for what sounds like a lonely and isolated childhood. (Her story make me what to try harder to be more patient and loving with my son). I would really be interested in what her mother has to say. Because I can tell you that I love my son wholeheartedly and he is often the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, but I would be a liar if I said that I didn't ever think of what my life would be like if I never became a parent. How much easier things would be and how much more freedom I would have. I do often feel confined. But I love him so I make whatever sacrifices i need to willing. But they are sacrifices.
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By: Darksavior on 9/18/2010 3:16PM
wow , me being a big fan of her mom's i am shocked ,but feel for her being great does not mean you cant also be f-up.
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By: Donna on 9/18/2010 6:16PM
Must be a slow day...all of this is very old news.
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By: Kim on 9/18/2010 9:37PM
Rebecca should find a way to forgive her mother! Even though her feelings are valid, sometimes children don't know the struggles of the mother and she never lets on to the child. I say she should forgive her mother and take it to consideration the time that her mother lived in. Rebecca does not have a clue as to what her mothers' issues are and what she has gone through. It sounds like her mother made a lot of sacrifices for her to have somethings other children didn't have. If she wants her mom to pay more attention, how about just excepting her as she is. This is the same thing she is asking of her! Just FORGIVE and FORGET! Life is to short to blame others for what's wrong in your own life!
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By: SCINDY on 9/19/2010 2:16AM
How I feel her pain. My mother told me and my 5 siblings that she never wanted any of us and only had us because my father wanted us. He gave her the life of a military wife and family, one most women would kill for. My father loved us dearly and gave us a life second to none. Sadly, he died at the age of 41 in a fire and I miss him more than you could know. My mother has NEVER told any of us that she loves us and NEVER put her arms around us for a hug or to console us when we are hurting. There are no words to describe what this feels like.
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By: Natalia on 9/19/2010 8:40PM
Sorry about the situation with your mother, but I don't know any women who would "kill" to be a military wife. I'd give an immediate NO THANKS to never having a career, earning a significant income of my own, moving every three years to God knows where (Ft. Polk, LA anyone?). Nah, I'll pass.
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